What it's like for the children

Geralda works 45 hours/wk. caring for two children. Their mother and father work full time outside the home. Geralda and I talked about her life as a twin growing up in Guatemala. This is not her real name. "We were born when my mother was 16. She was too young and could not raise us so we were brought up by my grandmother. My mother was around, but she didn't treat us like a mother, more like a sister. That's why I understand what it's like for the children [I care for] to not have their mother around because she is working, I understand and I help them with it."

Here Geralda refers to the client child who confided in her, "I spend more time with you than my mother." Most nannies try to assuage his or her guilty feelings. But the nannies I spoke with often choose to say nothing of these fears to the child's mother, because it may result in job loss. They handle it as best they can. Gerarda said gently, "Your mother is thinking about you right now. She is doing very important things at work. She looked for someone very special to be with you. Because I am very expensive!"

Geralda is well-qualified to address issues when both parents work, because she had no mother when she was young, and missed her very much. She later said, "My mother left us...She wasn't around, then she had another family. She didn't act like a mom, more like a sister... Later I talked to her about it when I was grown. My mother asked for forgiveness."

Is Geralda's exemplary emotional care appreciated by her employer? Geralda: "She is ok with how I talk to the kids, treat the kids. But when we are alone with each other, we clash. We are different types of women. She is controlling."

"Also I try to tell the Latinas who have left their children behind in their countries that they shouldn't. It is terrible for the kids. They grow up without their mothers and they feel alone, and eventually they feel nothing. Then resentment, hatred. It's not a good way to grow up. And when they get to be 20s or 30s, they come here [to the US] and they don't feel attached, they join gangs."

"Many women left children in home countries with a grandmother. Grandmothers send letters like this--I've seen them--'If you don't send money, we are going to put your child on the street!' I don't trust grandmas, and I don't trust aunts!"